The benign indifference of the universe continues as
CRANSTON, R.I. (AP) — An 81-year-old woman from Newport won last month’s $336.4 million Powerball jackpot, sleeping with the winning ticket in her Bible before coming forward to claim the sixth-largest U.S. prize on Tuesday, a family representative said.
Nice touch, 81-year-old woman from Newport. How perfect would it have been if the winner kept the ticket in a copy of Doctor Faustus or Skinny Bitch?
At a news conference at state lottery headquarters in Cranston, Louise White said little, calling herself “very happy” and “very proud.”
I don’t think you can be proud of winning the lottery if you’re putting it all on the big guy upstairs. Unless you’re proud at picking the right team. If someone asked me how I felt after winning the lottery, I’d say “very lucky” because I understand how statistics work.
Not believing she was the winner, she said, she checked the numbers online … “We still didn’t believe it, so we turned off the computer and turned it back on and went back to the website and my numbers were still there,” White said in the statement.
Maybe now that Louise is a wealthy woman she’ll have time to learn more things about the Internet, like the “refresh” button.
White’s lawyers did not offer specifics about how she plans to spend her fortune, but said “charity begins at home.”
I’m starting to like this woman. The next time someone asks me why I don’t make donations, I’m going to tell them it’s because charity begins at home. What’s that? Don’t I live in a studio apartment? Alone? Why yes. Yes I do. And I need me more than ever.
“I’m sure she’ll be taking care of her family,” attorney Gregory F. Fater said.
I don’t think there were any doubts, Gregory. But thanks for justifying your hourly rate.
William Barber Jr., 16, who says he’s a cashier at Stop & Shop, recalled seeing White at a supermarket cash register on the day she purchased the winning ticket.
I love that: “William, who says he’s a cashier at Stop & Shop.” As if William might be lying to a reporter about his shitty high school job just in case the night manager at A&P is perusing the Associated Press for bright young minds who comment on small-town stories to join his exciting and high-growth supermarket. I’m pretty sure William does in fact work at Stop & Shop. No reason to lie about that one.
“It’s kind of inspiring,” said Barber, who lives in the same neighborhood where LeRoy White resides in a modest home with a front-yard garden.
And I kind of hope William enrolls in a statistics course at Newport Community College.
Powerball is played in 42 states, Washington, D.C., and the U.S. Virgin Islands. The chance of matching all five numbers and the Powerball is about 1 in 175 million.
There’s something so delightfully cruel about numbers.
photo credit: Gilderic Photography via photopin cc
