Cult Marketing

When you name your cult, you have to come up with something that’s not too intense but not too mundane either. Something like “The Collective” won’t cut it — you don’t want people thinking they can come and go as they please. But you can’t name it The Zorlax, either. People will start talking.

Something like “Sacred Falls” is a good one. “Second Window” is also good. Nice visuals put people at ease and give them something pretty to think about while you get to know them.

Once you print up the business cards you don’t hand them out to just anyone — only the people who really need your help. People who say things like “I want to discover the inner me” and “I am inspired by like-minded individuals who share a common goal” and “I love sneakers but Nike is too expensive.”

At the first meeting you need to serve something to make people feel welcome. Skip the vegetables and dip; you’re not running a book club here. Finger sandwiches and coleslaw are in the right neighborhood. Baked goods are the best, because they smell nice and remind people of the childhood they never had.

Go light on the reading material. Skip the manifestos and the mission statements. Something in the pamphlet family is good. You want something that they’ll skim before bed and have vague dreams about. You want them to wake up curious.

photo credit: khalid almasoud via photopin cc