It’s Monday morning at Skyscanner Headquarters, and the team is preparing to release the findings of its ‘perfect flight seat’ survey.
“Mullins — brief me. What were the findings?” asks Woodruff.
“Survey findings suggest that passengers prefer a window seat towards the front of the plane,” responds Mullins.
“Which seat damnit, which seat?” barks Woodruff.
“Well, after filtering the results, we’ve concluded the most sought-after spot on a standard plane is seat 6A. That’s the one a few rows from the front.”
“Ya think?” mumbles some asshole in the back. Everyone heard him say it but they’re ignoring him because this is too important a study to get bogged down in office politics.
“Tell me about the methodology,” says Woodruff.
“You mean the method?” clarifies the woman next to Mullins.
“No, the — well, what’s the diff — Christ, just tell me about it.”
“More than 1,000 airline passengers were questioned on which section they preferred to sit in and whether they opted for a window, middle or aisle seat,” says Mullins. Mullins really knows his stuff.
“Then we filtered the results,” offers the woman.
“Right, then we filtered them,” chimes in Mullins.
“And then we just knew,” concludes the asshole in the back.
“Where does this fit into the bigger picture?” Woodruff is getting angry and no one knows why.
“Well,” Mullins says, “the finding supports previous studies that have suggested the front six rows are the most popular for ease of getting off the plane, reduced engine noise and a better selection of food.”
“So not only is our study obvious, it’s also redundant,” says the asshole, whose name is Carl and who actually might not be so bad after all.
Mullins shifts his feet and tries to recover. “Nearly half of those surveyed agreed this was the optimum section of an aircraft, sir.”
“You needed 500 people to tell you that sitting closer to the front is better?” asks Carl. “And what, the other 500 people enjoy rubbing against strangers in the aisle while they wait longer to get off?” Everyone’s silent. “Who are these people?”
“Sixty-two per cent of the respondents said they would prefer an even seat,” offers Mullins with a smile.
“Sixty-two per cent of the respondents have OCD,” says Carl.
Mullins has had enough. He spins around and looks at Carl. “This stuff matters, you know.”
The woman speaks up. “It’s interesting. Only one percent of those questioned said they would choose a middle seat instead of a window or an aisle seat. Only one percent.”
“Of course. People who want a middle seat are insane,” says Woodruff.
“Or they’re easygoing,” says Mullins.
“Or they’re in love,” says the woman. Everyone stares at her.